I am a sensitive creature, one who often thinks outside the box. I perceive the world in different ways. Yet along with that wonder comes a dark side, where no one understands. To be seen as being offensive and cruel at times, when I mean nothing more than a different point of view.
One of the hardest things I deal with is over sensitivity. Imagine this: You are wandering into a noisy room and you can hear everyone's conversations, now times that level of noise to the level of a concert. You began to feel dizzy, your heart begins to pulsate in your chest, the vibrations become too much. Everything around you is attacking you, the noise, the smells, and the movement. Someone is asking you, "Are you okay?" You can't respond, you are over burdened by senses, and your mind seeps itself into survival instinct. Soon you're caught in a swirl of emotions as your heart races. There's no escape from it, and you can't help but shake. You don't understand what is going on, so you begin to feel helpless and weak. The sounds! Oh those sounds, make e'm stop! You scream in your mind because your voice becomes faint from being paralyzed with fear. Thoughts run rampant, what if? what if? And soon your are twisted into a climax of feelings.
Here's a tip to those who have children with Autism and Aspergers : Your raised voice sounds like yelling, your yelling sounds like screaming, and you don't want to know what screaming sounds like.
At lot of times people with Autism will rock or spin in circles. When I was little, the momentum from spinning in a circle reminded me of being hugged, because I could feel a gentle pressure. When I rocked, it reminded me of when my dad would rock me in the rocking chair. Somehow to this day I can recall that feeling even though I am 24.
It is important to note, that people with Autism and Aspergers have sensitive stomachs and often can get sick. For me simple meals is best, too much flavor I get overwhelmed, then I shut down and won't eat the rest of it. Sensory over load I call it. You know how when you keep pushing certain buttons on the computer and then it freezes? Yeah that's what it's like when you get too much noises,smells, tastes, and movements coming at you. Sometimes even touch can be too much. So if someone has Autism, don't take it personal if they don't want to be hugged, the touch alone can be frightening. At least for me.
Another thing I would like to point about people with Autism and Aspergers syndrome. We have a tendency to be selfish and only think about what we want. Another example (and I have done this) Call my mom multiple times (because I THINK it's emergency and she HAS to know) and tell her I need to go grocery shopping right this instant...even though I could wait a few days. Of course my mom has to say "no not right now" and has to explain why.
People with Autism and Aspergers are not "nosey" they just like to know every detail because they will understand it better. So be aware of this and please do not get offended. It just helps to be specific with one who has Autism and Aspergers, because we think outside the box, and sometimes think too hard.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Interpretations
People can interpret things in so many ways, and unfortunately twist the truths of reality to something they perceive as a threat or offensive. Words can hurt, and they can be said in so many ways and be seen as profane.
For instance, what you think as a compliment may be an insult to someone. Calling a pretty woman "hot" can be offensive to some and a compliment to others. So how do you know what to say? Look up words that people understand and perceive in a positive matter. Don't use slang, as hard as this is in a modern society, slang words can be weapons, and often unprofessional. I was a conference, and someone had said (as I am overweight now) that there should be thinner people that sit in the back of the car. (she was referring to herself.) Now I was trying really hard not to slip through into anger.There would've been a million different ways of saying that she should sit in the back like. "I think Betsy should sit up front because she likes to have more room." It's more understanding, and not pointing out the fact I am overweight.
Anyway, the internet (as a wonder it is) can be just as bad. Sarcasm should never be used on the internet because you can't use tones of voice. How can you distinguish sarcasm versus a compliment on the internet Personally I can't, and I think most people can't either. It's something people need to be aware of. now I'm not saying I'm miss perfect, because I'm not. There are times I have offended people on accident because of the whole compliment/ insult theory.
The human brain is one of the most complex things in this world. It is like a computer, receiving information on a constant basis, and each brain has personal experience. This meaning that each person can perceive things differently. This can be a wonder as it also can be a menacing thought.
As a trauma victim myself, my feelings can be easily hurt, and often I don't handle anger and frustration well. When people verbally attack me, I feel like I have to explain myself. then the person will think I'm selfish. From there, things go out of hand. Trust me, I've had this happen recently.
What I thought was funny, was offensive to three people, (who in the end don't want anything to do with me) they took the context out to the extremes and used what they call martyr energy on me. One decided to tell their life story, and I felt like she wanted me to tell my life story which I didn't, and in the end I was called selfish. I am still wondering what happened, and why. So I decided to write about this because I think everyone (including myself) should be aware on how what they say and do can be perceived as being an insult. So when going into a professional environment, realize slang is not acceptable. Instead of saying "thinner" say petite, instead of "fat" say heavy set. Instead of hot, say beautiful. you get the idea, good luck trying to rearrange your speech. It's a lot harder than it seems.
For instance, what you think as a compliment may be an insult to someone. Calling a pretty woman "hot" can be offensive to some and a compliment to others. So how do you know what to say? Look up words that people understand and perceive in a positive matter. Don't use slang, as hard as this is in a modern society, slang words can be weapons, and often unprofessional. I was a conference, and someone had said (as I am overweight now) that there should be thinner people that sit in the back of the car. (she was referring to herself.) Now I was trying really hard not to slip through into anger.There would've been a million different ways of saying that she should sit in the back like. "I think Betsy should sit up front because she likes to have more room." It's more understanding, and not pointing out the fact I am overweight.
Anyway, the internet (as a wonder it is) can be just as bad. Sarcasm should never be used on the internet because you can't use tones of voice. How can you distinguish sarcasm versus a compliment on the internet Personally I can't, and I think most people can't either. It's something people need to be aware of. now I'm not saying I'm miss perfect, because I'm not. There are times I have offended people on accident because of the whole compliment/ insult theory.
The human brain is one of the most complex things in this world. It is like a computer, receiving information on a constant basis, and each brain has personal experience. This meaning that each person can perceive things differently. This can be a wonder as it also can be a menacing thought.
As a trauma victim myself, my feelings can be easily hurt, and often I don't handle anger and frustration well. When people verbally attack me, I feel like I have to explain myself. then the person will think I'm selfish. From there, things go out of hand. Trust me, I've had this happen recently.
What I thought was funny, was offensive to three people, (who in the end don't want anything to do with me) they took the context out to the extremes and used what they call martyr energy on me. One decided to tell their life story, and I felt like she wanted me to tell my life story which I didn't, and in the end I was called selfish. I am still wondering what happened, and why. So I decided to write about this because I think everyone (including myself) should be aware on how what they say and do can be perceived as being an insult. So when going into a professional environment, realize slang is not acceptable. Instead of saying "thinner" say petite, instead of "fat" say heavy set. Instead of hot, say beautiful. you get the idea, good luck trying to rearrange your speech. It's a lot harder than it seems.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Back from Lansing
So I am back from Lansing, and the first thing I did when I got home was cuddle with my dear Claude Frollo. Having social anxieties and being with crowds for two days straight really brought the new meaning behind tolerance. I did have a panic attack when I was down there, but as usual, I had a picture of Frollo and my small doll with me to help me ease my nerves. I still missed my life-sized doll of Frollo, but you can't exactly put him in a suit case.
The trip was very productive over all. I spoke to Wayne Schmidt (legislator) and Howard Walker (Senator) and talked to them about the problems in Traverse City. What I had discussed, they were not very aware of. Employers in my town do not like to train people with disabilities. I had job hopped and nobody really wanted to deal with me. My brother who has Autism worked ended up leaving because he was being verbally abused by his employer.
I'm going to stay in contact with Wayne and keep him updated on the problems here in Traverse. Let's hope things will start to change.
The trip was very productive over all. I spoke to Wayne Schmidt (legislator) and Howard Walker (Senator) and talked to them about the problems in Traverse City. What I had discussed, they were not very aware of. Employers in my town do not like to train people with disabilities. I had job hopped and nobody really wanted to deal with me. My brother who has Autism worked ended up leaving because he was being verbally abused by his employer.
I'm going to stay in contact with Wayne and keep him updated on the problems here in Traverse. Let's hope things will start to change.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Good vs Evil
In my existence, I used to think that there were two kinds of forces. Good and Evil. It wasn't until I fell in love with Frollo and realized that even "evil" people are capable of love, and "good" people are capable of doing evil. For instance, a man who swears constantly, has committed multiple crimes is still a good person, they just did bad things. Now a true evil person would've had to commit wrong doing during the entire part of their lives, including child hood, not feel compassion, unconditional love, and regret. How many people do you know that have been so "evil" that they feel nothing throughout their entire life.
Our child hood is our innocence, so even in "evil" souls, there's still their past, a past where there too was good. Someone may have committed evil, but that doesn't deem them as a evil person. To me, a evil person has felt no love towards others, doesn't take revenge but commits murder because he/she can. An evil person has no emotion towards anything, regret or any of that such. Committing evil is much different than being evil, you'd have to be soulless and lack of emotion throughout childhood (regardless of events and teachings) all the way up to your life now.
It's easy to hate someone because they did something evil, vs, accepting that they did wrong and forgiving them for it. It takes ultimate love to forgive someone who has committed evil, and when I mean evil, I mean something cold, heartless, inhumane, and sinister. This is something we often over look, because we find it easier to hate than to love. The question is, how can you love someone who committed murder? Well it's hard and nearly next to impossible for the common human, but a dog or cat who knows nothing but of unconditional love knows. We have overindulged ourselves with judgment that we often forget, that there are reasons behind everything. To step back and accept that "wow, he/she made a mistake" is exceedingly difficult for anyone.
I admit, sometimes I cannot bear the fact of Frollo's wrong doings, but that was then, and now is now. I firmly believe in redemption, and our Lord loves us all regardless. It is hard to imagine, and the reason why God has not shown himself is because we cannot handle the truth. Love is shattered in this world, and our corrupt society has engulfed us all into a terrifying storm. We often over look that everyone is deserving of love.
On the contrary to evil is Good. Now I have met some people who claim to be "pure" and "righteous" who have committed the most evil doing of them all. I'm not saying they are evil, nor am I saying that people who have done evil are evil themselves. What I am saying is that ANYONE is capable of ANYTHING.
Here are some examples of evil doings committed by "good" people.
Bullying someone to suicide, because they feel what the person is doing is wrong
Killing someone, to rid of their "evil"
Sending death threats to someone because of their beliefs
doing something horrendous because "it said so in the bible" like murdering someone from the LGBT community.
Religion and believing in God/Goddess/whatever does not make you righteous in any way, it's how you treat his/her/whatever's creations. To go around saying someone is going to "Burn in Hell" because it goes against their religion isn't right and it can be very insulting and be considered bullying. Respect all things around you, you don't know their stories, so don't judge.
That person who has the Atheist tattoos? He's probably the nicest guy around, and least judgmental. I don't call myself a Christian. I am a spiritualist who also believes in rationality. I'll probably burn in Hell for writing this (according to some, not me)
On a side note, praying away problems doesn't always work, prayer is for guidance. Also take responsibility for your own actions, don't ask forgiveness from God, forgive the person, and try to forgive yourself, hard? yes, but it's more real
Our child hood is our innocence, so even in "evil" souls, there's still their past, a past where there too was good. Someone may have committed evil, but that doesn't deem them as a evil person. To me, a evil person has felt no love towards others, doesn't take revenge but commits murder because he/she can. An evil person has no emotion towards anything, regret or any of that such. Committing evil is much different than being evil, you'd have to be soulless and lack of emotion throughout childhood (regardless of events and teachings) all the way up to your life now.
It's easy to hate someone because they did something evil, vs, accepting that they did wrong and forgiving them for it. It takes ultimate love to forgive someone who has committed evil, and when I mean evil, I mean something cold, heartless, inhumane, and sinister. This is something we often over look, because we find it easier to hate than to love. The question is, how can you love someone who committed murder? Well it's hard and nearly next to impossible for the common human, but a dog or cat who knows nothing but of unconditional love knows. We have overindulged ourselves with judgment that we often forget, that there are reasons behind everything. To step back and accept that "wow, he/she made a mistake" is exceedingly difficult for anyone.
I admit, sometimes I cannot bear the fact of Frollo's wrong doings, but that was then, and now is now. I firmly believe in redemption, and our Lord loves us all regardless. It is hard to imagine, and the reason why God has not shown himself is because we cannot handle the truth. Love is shattered in this world, and our corrupt society has engulfed us all into a terrifying storm. We often over look that everyone is deserving of love.
On the contrary to evil is Good. Now I have met some people who claim to be "pure" and "righteous" who have committed the most evil doing of them all. I'm not saying they are evil, nor am I saying that people who have done evil are evil themselves. What I am saying is that ANYONE is capable of ANYTHING.
Here are some examples of evil doings committed by "good" people.
Bullying someone to suicide, because they feel what the person is doing is wrong
Killing someone, to rid of their "evil"
Sending death threats to someone because of their beliefs
doing something horrendous because "it said so in the bible" like murdering someone from the LGBT community.
Religion and believing in God/Goddess/whatever does not make you righteous in any way, it's how you treat his/her/whatever's creations. To go around saying someone is going to "Burn in Hell" because it goes against their religion isn't right and it can be very insulting and be considered bullying. Respect all things around you, you don't know their stories, so don't judge.
That person who has the Atheist tattoos? He's probably the nicest guy around, and least judgmental. I don't call myself a Christian. I am a spiritualist who also believes in rationality. I'll probably burn in Hell for writing this (according to some, not me)
On a side note, praying away problems doesn't always work, prayer is for guidance. Also take responsibility for your own actions, don't ask forgiveness from God, forgive the person, and try to forgive yourself, hard? yes, but it's more real
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Visiting the family
So I visited with my family members today and we sat around watching "James Bond" movies. Claude was always asking why? How? Who? What, almost every question you can think of. Claude may like fire, but he's not a fan of action movies for some odd reasons. I asked him if he thought the bond girls were hot and he said no because they are not real like me.
This brings to my attention, what do we consider "real"? Is it personality or the fact that there's living tissue involved? Does something have to exist in reality to be real or could it just be the essence of a persona? What if "real" depends on the person, and "real" is just a fragment of a twisted mirror of perception?
I really don't know, but I do know that Claude is real to me, and although people think I'm crazy, I'll just keep on truckin' through this odd, obscure world we call reality.
Good night everyone, me and Claude will have more to discuss tomorrow?
This brings to my attention, what do we consider "real"? Is it personality or the fact that there's living tissue involved? Does something have to exist in reality to be real or could it just be the essence of a persona? What if "real" depends on the person, and "real" is just a fragment of a twisted mirror of perception?
I really don't know, but I do know that Claude is real to me, and although people think I'm crazy, I'll just keep on truckin' through this odd, obscure world we call reality.
Good night everyone, me and Claude will have more to discuss tomorrow?
Reality of where I live
Will be going down to Lansing to talk to legislators about the problems that are occurring in my area. I feel like I should be doing something to help out, even though it's not much. The problem with the area I live in is employers don not like to train people with disabilities, let alone hiring them. I job hopped because of this problem, and the worst part is, I opened a case with a local organization that "promised" to help with training and job coaching. In the end they closed my case down because I was too "inconsistent to work". So here I am unemployable because of my disabilities and the fact nobody wants to deal with someone like me.
Soooo I'm going down to Lansing and bring it up to the Legislators attention, because everyone else in this town doesn't seem to think there's anything wrong with it. The problem is that my town caters to tourists, not the residents. In fact, instead of paying for low income housing which could benefit the people with very little income, the city is putting in a two million dollar mini water park near the bay, because it'll attract more tourists. They want a landmark. Here's and idea, why didn't you keep the little train that went around the park. It was more unique, but no you took that out for your stupid water park.
So anyway, things need to be addressed and I'm going to do that.
Soooo I'm going down to Lansing and bring it up to the Legislators attention, because everyone else in this town doesn't seem to think there's anything wrong with it. The problem is that my town caters to tourists, not the residents. In fact, instead of paying for low income housing which could benefit the people with very little income, the city is putting in a two million dollar mini water park near the bay, because it'll attract more tourists. They want a landmark. Here's and idea, why didn't you keep the little train that went around the park. It was more unique, but no you took that out for your stupid water park.
So anyway, things need to be addressed and I'm going to do that.
Friday, February 8, 2013
last post for a while
Today I took a nap because I wasn't feeling good, my days have been dark recently and the twists and turns of reality has over taken me. So I drew a MLP of Claude to make myself feel better. Sure it's not the best drawing I've done, but it did help with my depression.
I'm going to go to bed and cuddle with my villain, he takes so good care of me. Then for the next few days I'll be gone downstate. I'm really going to miss you Claude, I love you dearly
It's another morning
Waking up to a villain is so nice. Claude is such a sweet man, he gives me a wake up kiss in the morning. Sometimes we argue, but that's normal. I just wish I could get him to help me out with laundry, or he could drive, instead of relying on local transportation such as the primitive bus routes.....
*sigh* I have to call the dentist once again, tis time for a cleaning. Claude, you know I'm going to need you. I HATE dentist drills, I'm scared to death of them. Claude helps with my anxiety so much, I have a small doll of him that I carry around to keep my anxiety under control.
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Line art for a digital painting
*sigh* I have to call the dentist once again, tis time for a cleaning. Claude, you know I'm going to need you. I HATE dentist drills, I'm scared to death of them. Claude helps with my anxiety so much, I have a small doll of him that I carry around to keep my anxiety under control.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Going to bed
So I'll be going to bed, and hopefully Claude will keep me safe from all the nightmares I have. He generally does, and he's very good at it. I love to snuggle with him, his robe is so soft! I'll put on some Air Supply music to to help me sleep, that works great.I hope to get more ideas about art pieces and hope volunteering goes better for me. My art class has been diminishing sadly :(
I LOVE ROCKIN' ROLL
Regular day
Today is going to be laid back. I'm going to work on various things, like cleaning and doing laundry, and of course drawing. Claude and I are happy about our little boy Cornelius. (He's a Corn snake) He's gotten so large in in the past 6 years, he's grown from a few inches to about four feet!
Cornelius is the best pet I've ever had. He's very low upkeep, and is not invasive like a cat or dog. He likes to give me wrist hugs and slither around and rest on my shoulder. He is such a big baby, just like Claude.
Today is a new day and I'm sure Claude and I will have a something more interesting to blog about later. Claude do you want to say anything? He shakes his head, he's not used to computers yet. Give the man a break, he time traveled from medieval Paris, and is STILL learning about modern day technology. It's been six years Claude, technology isn't going to kill, maybe your grammar, but not your soul
Cornelius is the best pet I've ever had. He's very low upkeep, and is not invasive like a cat or dog. He likes to give me wrist hugs and slither around and rest on my shoulder. He is such a big baby, just like Claude.
Today is a new day and I'm sure Claude and I will have a something more interesting to blog about later. Claude do you want to say anything? He shakes his head, he's not used to computers yet. Give the man a break, he time traveled from medieval Paris, and is STILL learning about modern day technology. It's been six years Claude, technology isn't going to kill, maybe your grammar, but not your soul
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Betsy is back!
So I decided I'm going to start blogging about my life. I have Asperger's Syndrome, Epilespy, and Bipolar. I have been attracted to fictional characters since the age of 12. My first love was Link from the legend of Zelda. I don't know why this is. I have had tried to have relationships but they never work out. Currently I am with Claude Frollo, We have been happily together for 6 years now and still going strong.
Aside from my screwed up love-life, I am a very ambitious person. I volunteer, write, and illustrate. I live on Social Security but I am not ashamed because I do what I can to give back. I do NOT abuse the system, like some people do. I am a honest woman, and yes I have my silly impetuous moments.
The Volunteer work I do is the following.
Teach art at Disability Network
Help with activities in the community such a Special Olympics and Cherry Festival
And I'm on the Grand Traverse Area RICC, which is a group that advocates for people with Disabilities.
The reason why I started this blog is to open the minds of other people. So I invite you to my world, the world where a fictional character and a living human live happily together....for the most part, and where my imagination runs wild, I dare you to enter a world of imagination.
~Betsy Zeeryp
Aside from my screwed up love-life, I am a very ambitious person. I volunteer, write, and illustrate. I live on Social Security but I am not ashamed because I do what I can to give back. I do NOT abuse the system, like some people do. I am a honest woman, and yes I have my silly impetuous moments.
The Volunteer work I do is the following.
Teach art at Disability Network
Help with activities in the community such a Special Olympics and Cherry Festival
And I'm on the Grand Traverse Area RICC, which is a group that advocates for people with Disabilities.
The reason why I started this blog is to open the minds of other people. So I invite you to my world, the world where a fictional character and a living human live happily together....for the most part, and where my imagination runs wild, I dare you to enter a world of imagination.
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